“My Pilgrims Heart” Stephanie Dale

Hello TTT Ladies,

“Obligation Justification, Sex, Money”

Stephanie has left Rome, but these are issues that still linger in the reality of  this  journey.

I am obligated to compromise in a marriage or relationship, but when I  choose what I compromise does that mean I made a sacrifice?

Stephanie and I are walking having a good time talking about compromise, these are her words in which she eloquently states, “Compromise is readily confused with give and take. It is easy to give up what doesn’t matter and not so easy to accept what does. Give and take is the healthy trade of a human relationship. Compromise is the demand that we give up what matters most, the sacrifice of our hearts desires” her view now on compromise since being married is “And now having stood at the altar of a sacred union and vowed to honor and be honored as sovereign being. I have learned that compromise is the acceptable and petty face of a volcanic behemoth that is in reality obligation: snow to simmering mountains.  I just looked at her in amazement, where is all of this coming from? I suggested that we sit down and take a breather because we need to “talk “about this I refuse to get one more blister on my feet until I can understand in my opinion why she is so bitter.

TTT  ladies I need your help this is 911

Do you think that Stephanie expectations of a relationship are unrealistic? after all she is married to a human being in this case a man. Did she assume that when she married her husband that he felt the same way?  I know  when the honey moon is over, the marriage is “real” but the foundation should not change. I know from my being married once myself, suffered the “culture shock” that I just knew we were” tracking” when it comes to compromise. I just gave her a hug and simply told her, “It Takes One To Know One” I am not walking with you to dissect every thought and comment, but I need this journey because I realize that I took some short cuts. This is about me, just as much as it is about you.

TTT ladies Stephanie like most women loves unconscionably and unconditionally sometimes to the point that WE ignore and make a decision to marry or have a relationship with a man based on potential. Our actions speak louder than we words, because we are ones that lack maturity if we are going to star in the leading role and a get a Emmy for “denial”

I know I took a chance telling Stephanie how I honestly feel, we are both strong and opinionated women that think very highly of ourselves.  We act on being proactive with purpose. She is an excellent listener that makes her a successful author. We always end on a positive note and these are the words of wisdom she articulated to me.

” I am the love of my life. This thought softens me every time. It brings me home, every time. It gives me courage every time. Energy pours into my body, rising with evening tide. My spirits lift. Loneliness begone! Let the journey continue.

 

 

 

 

 

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20 thoughts on ““My Pilgrims Heart” Stephanie Dale

  1. Hi again! Great comments.

    Stephanie here, author of My Pilgrim’s Heart.

    I find discussions about compromise in marriage/intimate relationship fascinating.

    For me, compromise is a matter of degrees.

    Sure we have to compromise to make marriage work: Will we eat Thai or Italian tonight? Do you wanna go to this movie or that?

    But to compromise that which our heart and soul most desire will break the human spirit.

    And it is this I find impossibly awful about marriage (and committed, intimate partnerships). Often, we choose to let go that which matters most to us because we fear what will happen to our relationship, i.e. that other person will leave, will find someone else or a million versions of these two scenarios.

    Am I bitter?

    I was distressed – at my unwillingness to bow to the unspoken demands of marriage and by the impossibility of communicating this . . . but I don’t believe I ever felt bitter.

    And yes, I do believe my expectations of marriage were unrealistic – they still are 🙂

    Quite frankly I never, every want a conversation again about what I am ‘like’ and demands I justify what I’d most love to do – walk with me (metaphorically speaking), express your fears, share your longings and concerns with me . . . but project them onto me as if your fears are my reality?

    Not a single cell in my body can be bothered with that conversation ever, ever again.

    Ohhhhhh yes, you got it in one on the potential. That is the whole crux of the matter. Every intimate relationship I ever had was based on the person’s potential – who and what I believed they could be. How arrogant of me. How destructive. How awful not to love someone exactly for who they are, just like I wanna be.

    And, like you, I believe women deserve 100,000 Emmy’s for their performance on this one.

    I guess in our favour – we mean well.

  2. Hey Stephanie,

    I am loving the comments, but I do agree compromise is easier said than done at times. I am curious about your comment on “potential”. In my personal expieriences in relationships and I was married at one time. I found that was one of the “deal breaker’s” that was a challenge to me. The fact was the “potential” was a dream in progress, but never evolved. I felt that I married the “potential” because it was what I wanted him to be. I learned a hard lesson because I compromised the truth for a “pipe dream” I put on these blinder’s and told myself I am going to love this man into my image. I don’t why I thought I could read mind his mind.??

    I am have growed up and matured, I have developed a healthy habit of living life in truth and always look at reality for what it is. I don’t need another “Emmy” for “denial “because my closet is full of them from the past.

    Stephanie I love your candor and honesty, you are full of life. I can feel the laughter in your comments. “My Pilgrims Heart” is a wonderful journey, just traveling through all of the viilages, eating the food, the histrory is just awesome. I respect your attention to detail it gives me a clear vision, I do see all of the sunrises a sunsets. The rivers and seas are just breath taking. I needed this mind blowing “exfoliation” physcially and spiritually. TTT Ladies do you have the courage to live and not look over your shoulder?I know this journey is grueling. These next couple of days I am going to enjoy the sites and sceneries. The sounds of the night are so peaceful. I know we are “Talk The Talk” Ladies Book Club, but I need to catch up with Stephanie.

    Well TTT Ladies I still have some distance to cover, but believe me I am “in it to win it”

    • We more often than we are willing to admit have made the choice of a partner on what they bring to the table or how much we see in their future as opposed to what we see in each other and our future. It is a peaceful thing to live your life for yourself to be free to dream big, live large and laugh loud.

      I can’t imagine a life where every day is a challenge. It takes reading “My Pilgrims Heart” to truly appreciate my relationship. I am honored that I can take this walk with you and experience so many things. You are truly one of great courage and Thank you for allowing TTT to take this journey with you.

  3. I agree Dstinguished “5” you and Stephanie seem to have grasp this concept of “potential” this is something I just need to explore for myself more deeply.

    “My Pilgrims Heart” has really stirred my spirit on this, I don’t why I am grappling with this, as I write this email, I feel anger,pain and tears. TTT Ladies I am having a moment, but it’s all good this is just a sensitive area for me.

    TTT Ladies what has “My Pilgrims Heart” touched a tender area in your life? as you read and journey with Stephanie?

    • You are allowed to have your moment.lol. My grandmother died 4 years ago and her birthday is May 6th and we always have a huge birthday party for her even now that she is no longer with us.

      I remember the journey to Omnis and the conversation with Ivan about the young man who was killed in the car accident and Stephanie said “There is purpose in death, it brings us closer in love”.

      “When death is in the room, we are unmasked: there is only love”. Such a powerful statement. I thought about my family and the many families whose relationship is already close and they get so much closer and we don’t see the faults and follies in each other. This would be one of the tender parts of the book.

      • Thank you, both. These are the conversations I was hoping the book would ignite when I published it in Australia in the first place. I’m touched that we can share in this way.

  4. ” And I realized that we all of us can only start from where we are;we can only get there from here” Stephanie you quoted this when you and Ben were sitting by the fire as the Podstrana sketch orange and blue crayon stripes across the water. This was such a deep intense statement. Could you elaborate on it’s meaning. It really struck a cord with me. I have read it over and over, what were you thinking and feeling?. It resonates with wisdom.

    • This is a lesson pilgrimage taught me – doesn’t matter what we want ‘out there’, whether that’s to be somewhere else geographically, whether it’s a dream goal we have for our lives, whether it’s evolving a relationship, we have to take a breath and come back to exactly where we are . . . and start here. By taking the step that is calling to be taken right now, we are in a position to take the one after that and the one after that and so it goes. But if you don’t take the step that’s right beneath your feet, you ain’t ever gonna get there – you can’t. You will spend your life wishing.

      In my case, I got so very tired of wishing. That’s why I sold everything. I removed all my distractions and excuses. Nowadays if I find myself wishing for something ‘out there’ I either do it or drop it. And come back to right now.

      • This is what I thought you were saying when I read that statement. Many people just don’t have the courage to step out of their comfort zone. They get so set in the way it is that they don’t even imagine what it could be. I am so glad that you used your challenges as stepping stones and not stumbling blocks and was not afraid to take that first step, just like a baby learing to walk, I can feel the excitement! I am really enjoying the book and what comes to my mind every time I think of you is “crawl, walk, run and Fly”. You were crawling, searching then you took that step and you began to walk, you regained your focus and began to run and now you are free to fly and live without restrictions and guilt!

      • Hey, well said! I can feel that journey as you describe. Almost brings tears to my eyes, that what I have now was hard won. Intentional. For other people fame or fortune is their ‘goal’. Mine was freedom – freedom from the limitations of a small self.

  5. That is one of the reason I am enjoying reading “My Pilgrims Heart” it awakens your spirit and reminds you of your dreams that were buried. TTT Ladies we must be proactive in our lives and let not our dreams just be empty wishes.

    Stephanie and Dstinguished5 I would like to add that that we must be “Radicals” This is a fight and I will not get in my own way. Life is a pilgrimage, we have to discern what is our personal journey, as we allow courgage to take root in our spirit, we have peace and confidence to live and let live.

    • TTT ladies, with your help we gonna ignite a revolution! And that revolution is inside our hearts – women being true to who they are, to their deepest longings – not just thinking about them and wishing they could live them, but actually prioritising our own hearts.

      Because in reality there’s nothing stopping us but us!

      It’s a revolution that would bring about everything the people of this good earth say they want – a clean earth, food and health care for everybody, support for artists and writers and music makers and, mostly, people who are busy and content, not because life doesn’t throw its hardships at us, but because we know we’re giving it all we’ve got to give.

      Life is indeed a pilgrimage. Viva la revolution 🙂

  6. It was lovely speaking to you last night on the phone. I am so sorry to hear about Distinguished ‘5”s granddaughter passing, so very very sad for her and everyone who loves her and the child. Sending love to all. Thank you for calling.

    • Thank you all for your prayers, thoughts and comments. It really means alot. I am still enjoying the journey, just got to sit down and enjoy the view for just a minute. I catch up with you shortly.

  7. Hello TTT Ladies,

    “Every Day Is Mothers’s Day”

    Ms Stephanie Dale author of the book “My Pilgrims Heart” will be the guest speaker
    on 15 May 2012 6:00-8:00 pm, at the Augusta Richmond County Public Library located at 823 Telfair St, Augusta, GA 30901

    I thank all of you that read our blog page, and those of you that posted a comment.

    We especially would like to thank Ms Stephanie Dale for her participation and please know that you will always me a member of “Talk The Talk Ladies Book Club” Our blog page came alive because of you. I thank you for taking the time out to answer each question with insight, wisdom and tact. TTT Ladies and I are eager to meet you and listen as you discuss ” My Pilgrims Heart” The journey has a been a tour of the mind, spirit and soul. You have quenched our thirst to challenge our selves.

    Ms Stephanie Dale it is our honor and pleasure to welcome you to Augusta, Ga. home of the “Talk The Talk Ladies Book Club”

    • TTT Ladies, I’m looking forward to Tuesday like you wouldn’t believe. I know I’m going to laugh out loud with surprise and delight as we all put faces to names, and sadness to as I’ve shared in my own small way Distinguished 5’s loss. It’s been a pleasure being among such open, spirited women and an honor to be a part of your club. See you Tuesday!

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