“My Pilgrims Heart” Stephanie Dale

Hello TTT Ladies,

Stephanie gets a text from her husband, he says he is feeling sad, she texted him back “Stay Soft” “Let it wash through the rain, be cozy be true and I will walk for you today” I am confused now, he is the main reason we are on this journey. I can’t believe that she wants to get romantic, that along makes my blisters hurt again. What is wrong with this woman? When we left for London this was a done  deal with her husband, and as we head to Podine a small town she tells me ” I told him I walk for him today because I knew it would please him” Now she is mad with herself because she feels obligated.

TTT ladies why would she tell him that? This is the one time I am grateful that I am single.

Stephanie painfully misses her husband, yes they do have marriage problems, but this is her husband. She misses his touch ,his laughter waking up in arms. Stephanie has never stopped loving her husband. The problem is that she doesn’t want to, but her desires for always win. Does she think she can walk out her feelings for him? I am a little amused that she thinks she can accept financial support and still not be obligated and we know how she feels about that, ” If I don’t do Y then he can’t do X”

TTT Ladies this  911 , I need your help she is all over the place, remembering his soft longer  tender kisses, that always leads to a prelude to more. She gives in and takes a risk to receive his love by email she has opened her self up again, because she really wants her marriage to work. I am thinking she really does love this man, this is surreal. She embraces her husband with love she secured in her heart.

Well that did not last long he emails her that his sadness has passed and does not want to write an email “that there is nothing to do but me” she is furious, she let him her  in heart. Well  TTT Ladies this is the ‘back and forth’ that goes on between marriage and relationships, I call it the “I hate you don’t leave me stage” all of us have been down this road.  I can only be supportive and pray that she finds some stability in her confusion. She does realize that she can’s shoulder his burdens, so she decided she will walk for him, but she will not talk to him.  Sounds like a plan to me.

TTT Ladies I admire  her for having the courage answer her fears.

Stephanie and I pick up our pack back’s but before we leave she  says ” I am in territory previously unknown to me and for this I give thanks, for I am more compassionate for have wandred into this shadowy land briefed now on the incomprehensible choices women make most obviously to stay. I stand among the legions of women who have surrendered their sovereignty in return for their keep; I am among the initiated, the ones who please when we are not pleasing”

I look at her and I said “all is fair in love and war”

TTT Ladies what advice would you give to Stephanie at this point in her life?

 

 

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6 thoughts on ““My Pilgrims Heart” Stephanie Dale

  1. Hello, Stephanie here, author of My Pilgrim’s Heart:

    I love the way you feel those blisters!

    And I laughed out loud about your annoyance that I wanted to ‘get romantic again’.

    The inner tussle of romance and rejection (by me, for and of the marriage) was a huge part of this whole journey.

    And while ‘he’ might the reason you’re on the journey – I’m the reason I was on it. I wanted to walk with my son – his journey was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to share. The tussle with the demands of marriage were the result of the reality of pilgrimage – that’s what happens when you walk a long long way, every day. You get down in the subterranean mud of your mind and drag up some ugly stuff that’s been hiding down there.

    It’s that ugly stuff that I wanted to shine the light on.

    You say I painfully miss my husband – I never missed him. I missed the idea of him. And I wonder if the idea of a husband is why women marry in the first place?

    Yes, I was amused about accepting financial support and thinking I could be free from obligation too – but that leaves me with the dreadful thought that women are buying the roof over their head, their car and nice clothes with sex . . . surely there is a simple giving and sharing of the resources of one human being with another without requiring a return?

    In this case, I’m not so sure it was the ‘I hate you don’t leave me stage’ – though I’m open to the possibility. To me, it was more like the ‘I hate you for not being who I want you to be’ stage – and that is a stage of life that many of us never grow out of, rather than the stage of a relationship.

    Yeah TTT ladies – what advice would you give?

    Me? I’m past this stage – and I’m eternally grateful for having traveled through it (rather than begin stuck in it like I was for so long).

    But I tell you what – it’d be great to get a new narrative on this going, so we can shortcut this destructive all-too-common dynamic in women’s lives and shine a light for our daughters and friends on the other side.

    So . . . what advice would we give to women who obsess about who or what their partner is not?

  2. Hello Stephanie,
    Thank you for your comments and taking the time to blog back with TTT Ladies. What advice I would give to a woman who obsesses about who or what their partner is not. Personally I find these women do not want advice only a audience. I will listen for a couple of times, but after that I just move on, that is their issue and when they are ready to accept the reality of their situation they will on their own time and terms.

    Yes I agree it would be great to start a new narrative and not concentrate on the “all-too-common dynamic in womens lives” but I find the “dynamic” is about womens lives and their marriages and relationships, and as individuals, we grow at different levels of maturity, so the “dynamic” will be most of the time be “center stage” I feel it is important how we respond to the “dynamic” as women who will listen, encourage, and not judge, but give some ” tough love adivce” when needed, but always with love.

    We are all works in progress.

    • That’s a great response – we are all works in progress + too often women want only ‘an audience’. And here is where we do each other the favour of listening only for so long – then letting her know, with love and kindness and all the empathy in the world, that she is attached to the story and not seeking a solution at all.

      If women poured the amount of energy into our own lives as we do into others – into fixing them and helping them reach their potential – the whole world would be flying.

  3. Stephanie that is a excellent comment “attatched to the story and not seeking a solution at all” that is on point, the story becomes this “teddy bear” we cuddle up with and then you become “one” because you are now enmeshed with a situation.

    I must be honest, I have been in that mental and physcial prison. I refuse to ride that emotional roller coaster, the cost is more than the price of gas. I will put on some jazz with a glass of wine and read ” My Pilgrims Heart” and blog with the TTT Ladies and Stephanie. I love me some me.

    Stephanie thank you for “keeping it real”

  4. Stephanie you seem to a natural gift for understanding the pros and cons of relationships and marriages, can the TTT Ladies expect a book of this sort in the future from you? Most of my friends are single and still hoping to be married what advice would you give them, by the way this is their queston, they are between the ages of 45 and 50.

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